


Aches and Pains

by WinterWizard



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not Happy, One-Sided Attraction, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 07:51:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2101524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterWizard/pseuds/WinterWizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi, for the longest time, thought he only viewed his friend romantically. When he learns of the other desires that arise, he hides them away. He doesn’t want his friend to know this side of him.</p>
<p>Tsukishima notices the marks on his friend. At first, he thinks it’s just a fight that was lost. But as the marks continue to show up, other possibilities come to mind. His friend is drifting away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aches and Pains

At first, I thought I was just like other boys in my class.

My eyes would fall on the pretty girl standing elbow bumping close to my friend. How her knees pointed at each other and how this made her hips sway under her short skirt. How her hand, slender fingers with prettily painted nails, would lightly brush on his arm and how she would giggle afterwards. How when she leaned into him, her back arched, her hips pushed out, her legs lengthened in such a way that was beautiful.

When pretty girls approached my friend, a common occurrence, I would see how attracted she was to him, how her body language screamed it; and after a few years of watching countless pretty girls get rejected, I realized I wasn't like the other boys in my class. I was far from where they were. I breathed a sigh of relief, felt a sting of pity, and I felt incredibly superior for that one moment when my friend would deny a pretty girl's affections.

I realized it wasn't really the pretty girls I was looking at, but my best friend. The only time I looked at them was when they were trying to gain favor from him. If they hadn't interacted with him, I wouldn't have noticed or cared how slender their fingers were while resting on his arm. My eyes wouldn't follow them like they do for him. I imagine I wouldn't feel so superior for being a person closest to Tsukishima Kei. If it wasn't my friend I was attracted to, I wouldn't sigh a breath of relief when he harshly turned down a pretty girl; nor would I feel the sting of pity, only able to imagine the pain of being on the receiving side of his cruel rejection.

At first, I only thought I was romantically inclined towards Tsukishima Kei. 

By my second year of high school, I realized that my gender preference in a partner was different than the other boys in my class. I woke up sweaty and sticky, a dream that left me red and breathless, and I couldn't look my friend in the eyes for a week afterwards from the shame of it. Being in love with someone and wanting to do them was completely different. I had no one to talk to.

I ran into someone similar to me, and after getting to know them a little (we met every other sunday for three months), we became sort-of-lovers. He wasn't the nicest I could imagine, but I didn't have any experience anyways, so I thought this was how it always was. He left bite marks and kiss marks on the back of my neck when I told him not to. He held onto my hips so fiercely he'd leave bruises, and for the first few days of the week afterwards it would be difficult to participate in club activities without discomfort. 

It was hard to hide.

Without Sugawara-senpai around for tactful questioning, without Asahi-senpai and Daichi-senpai's gentle probing and strict control, the matter was approached harshly by the team. Ennoshita-senpai was too timid to question but often sent him looks, Nishinoya-senpai and Tanaka-senpai attacking with questions that made me nervous and want to throw up, Hinata pointing out the bruises loudly in the locker room leaving me heavy with shame. Tsukishima Kei's indifference. 

"I want to stop this," I tell the other boy sitting on the edge of the bed, buttoning his shirt. It's a saturday, or maybe it is now morphed into the early hours of sunday, and I'm exhausted.

"Don't come crying back to me when it doesn't work out," he says back. "'Cause I won't be here. This was just a casual thing to begin with."

It's true. They weren't anything to begin with. In the beginning, it was only out of curiosity, and then out of convenience. It leaves me lonely, none-the-less. So, so incredibly lonely that it becomes a physical pain. A pain so different from the aching in my hips. The loneliness pulses with my heart, gaining momentum as it spreads.

* * *

Freckles scattered across his face and shoulders are no longer the only markings on his friend's skin. There's spots of angry red encased in ridged gashes, teeth marks, on the back of his neck and shoulders. A collection of purple bruises, some are small and some are so densely put together it makes larger patches, around the arches of his hips. Sometimes small scratches show up along with the bruises, but none are ever deep or large enough to stay around until tuesday. 

I had never paid close attention to Yamaguchi. He was a small, timid animal that agreed with me when everyone else wouldn't. Stuck around when I got nasty, smiled shyly when pushed away or scolded. He never stood too close, but by middle school he never left farther than my elbow. He became a constant, but unnoticeable when missing. 

The marks on his skin become a bright light, attracting attention by any who see.

"Hey," I call out, twisting my fingers around Yamaguchi's bicep and pulling him to a stop. He turns to face me slowly. "Can we hang out?"

"Now?" He asks, looking a little concerned. 

_What's with that look?_  "This weekend."

"Oh." He looks down at my fingers still around his arm, then to the side. "I was gonna hang out with someone that day." He says it, but softly, reluctant. When he looks back at me, he gives me one of his  _sorry Tsukki_ smiles. "I'll see if I can reschedule with them."

I release my fingers from his arm. "Okay. Bye then." I walk left as he goes right. I put my headphones over my ears and listen to the loud music that pulses into them.

On Sunday we meet up at a small cafe. Yamaguchi has already ordered for us and has a new hickey peaking out from under his shirt collar. He yawns right as I sit down across from him and through the end of it greets me with a, "Good morning Tsukki."

It's not morning. It's noon and usually by this time Yamaguchi has been up for three hours. But now he looks like he just barely managed rolling out of bed and only had time for a quick shower, bypassing brushing his fluffed out hair or washing his face. 

"Hello," I reply without correcting him. 

"I got our usuals." He's already transferred the large strawberry from his shortcake next to my own, and it looks like he picked out the more flimsy french fries from my container and replaced them with sturdier ones from his own. 

I look at him and nod once in thanks before taking a bite from the shortcake. It's sweet.

Yamaguchi picks at his burger, then at his french fries. He doesn't fill the space between us with words or questions. He yawns big, then goes back to picking at his food. Everything about him today is off.

I don't ask.

We eat in silence. 

"What now?" are the first words to fill the silence other than forks on plates and murmurs from other booths. Yamaguchi asks through another wide yawn. 

"We never finished that one adventure game." I say this but it's not that i'm offering. It's a means to an end. A fact pulled up at random because he doesn't look to have the brain power to think of something and I'd rather a quick solution than sitting around in a cafe with hosts more interested in people watching than doing their job.

Yamaguchi agrees, nodding numbingly before stumbling sideways out of the booth. It's as ungraceful as he's always been and I have to grab him by the arm before his face kisses the floor. "Sorry Tsukki," he says once his head is back above his shoulders.

"I'll pay." 

"Thanks. my allowance is a little low this month."

We part, me for the cash register and him to sit outside and maybe clear his head. I hope the fresh air will help because this silence is tedious and what was the point of canceling plans if he was just going to move them to the night before and arrive sleep deprived. It's irritating.

The walk back to my house is much the same as it was in the cafe, silent except for our feet scraping across the ground, and when we arrive I can feel my mind about to burst with the questions I have no interest in being answered and frustration. We run into my mother as she leaves through the garden.

"Oh! Tadashi and Kei. Welcome home. I was just leaving to go get groceries for tonights dinner. Will you be stay over?" The question is directed at my unresponsive friend, who requires an elbow to the ribs to jump back into focus.

"Oh! Sorry," He says, and rubs at the back of his head apologetically. "No. I told my mom that tonight I'd be home for dinner."

"Well that's too bad. If you were I would have changed tonights dinner to hotpot." She smiles and waves at us. "Have fun playing. I'll be back soon."

"Have a safe trip," I say a second before Yamaguchi chimes in. 

Up in my room, Yamaguchi looks like he's already about to nod off as I set up the game console. I click my tongue against my teeth. He looks more awake now once handed a controller, leaning forward away from the large pillow he'd been leaning against. I lean against my own pillow, feeling more comfortable relaxing than scrunching my shoulders.

Our characters run through a mansion, monsters made up of different animal pieces sewn together following on our heals. Yamaguchi is out of healing potions and I have no time to drop him any. We're looking for the stairs that'll take us to the main floor so we can head into town to get more when we make a wrong turn and end up triggering a boss attack. 

Next to me Yamaguchi squeaks and jumps, his shoulders rigid and panicked. Twenty minutes later I'm hunched forward, no healing potions or mana potions, three minions and the main boss with half health still left to fight. Yamaguchi has started using his block in a last ditch effort to keep his health above fatal. I take out two minions with a magic spell that saps my mana and he takes the last one with his spear before falling back into rotating his character while blocking. 

The boss goes for Yamaguchi's character, who blocks the attack. I fire arrows from a long distance, little damage done but less chance of receiving damage and more time to slowly regain health and mana. The boss attempts attacks on Yamaguchi five more times before turning towards my character. The enemy charges. We skirmish for a good five minutes before I somehow land a final blow with barely enough health left. I pause the game.

When I turn my head I see Yamaguchi, fast asleep against the slope of the pillow, controller in hand as he pressed down the block button while twirling the analog stick in a circle. No wonder he wasn't backing me up.

His head is bent away, exposing the vast expanse of his neck and the new hickey under his shirt collar. My mind recalls times in the locker room; the deep red marks from where someone had sucked on his skin roughly (" _I was bitten by a bug_ " bullshit), the teeth marks from where someone had bitten down so hard it left bruises and open wounds (" _I got in a fight_ " yeah right), the bruises along his hips (" _It's nothing to worry over_ " he can't even think of a good excuse for those). 

It's irritating.

* * *

 

"-ch." 

It hurts. Something is pulling at my skin. It's pinching. Ouch. That really hurts. It feels like it's piercing my skin. What's going on? I don't understand. Where am I again?

I open my eyes, blurred from sleep and stinging from lack of sleep the night before. I see a desk, not mine, and above it shelves. Ah. Tsukishima's room. The pinching has turned into something different, but a little more familiar. Sucking? I can't really turn my neck but I glance down to see blond hair. "Tsukki?" He bites down again on the skin. "Tsukki, it hurts," I whine.

He licks at the tender flesh, a light feeling and a little moist. 

I suck in a sharp breath and release a moan. "Aah-" The sound, at first, sounds far away from my ears that I don't realize I was the one who released it. When it does process, my entire body becomes tense and I quickly cover my mouth with my hand. I feel a tugging, the collar of my shirt rubbing against the back of my neck as Tsukishima pulls the front of the collar down. He bites at my collarbone.

"Hurts. It hurts a lot," but by time I get the words out, the sting is being soothed by his tongue lightly running along my skin, and the last words are moaned. I can feel a furious blush burning at the tips of my ears.

Tsukishima pulls at my shirt again, this time I feel it against my sides as it's pulled taunt there. My head already feels slow and sedated with ideas of pleasure, laced with sleepiness that hasn't left. I look at my friend now, balancing above me. He is looking at me but I can't quite find what it is he's asking of me.

"Can I take it off?" He asks, though it's through his teeth and reluctantly.

"Ah," I say in understanding. I nod and lift my arms and arch my back in hopes of helping him slide the material up my torso and over my head. He drops the shirt next to us and lowers himself. He bites at my skin harshly then licks over the sensitive skin. 

"Nn," I wince, quickly followed by a, "Aah!" as I moan. Sometimes he'll suck after biting, swirling his tongue on my skin. He does this over and over as he moves down my body, my back arching at the pleasure following the pain. 

"It's cruel," I manage to say, massaging my fingers against Tsukishima's scalp, running my fingers through his hair. "Don't bite and lick. It's so mean."

He doesn't bite hard at my hips, instead licks softly at the bruises there and places kisses to the skin. It makes me shudder and moan and want. I want- I want- I want- Tsukishima runs his fingers along the rim of my pants before hooking fingers into the belt loops. 

After we have sex, me lying on the floor feeling content and Tsukishima standing at his desk in clean boxers and sweats, I ask him why.

"Why did you sleep with me?" I'm curious, and not at all complaining. I'm sated and a little pleased with myself but I still feel my insecurities pulsing anxiety and worry through me.

"- seduced." He's mumbling at the papers on his desk and I can't catch what he's saying.

"What was that Tsukki?"

"The marls on your neck," He starts off with. "Are like an invitation. You look at me sometimes the way girls that like me look at me." He doesn't continue, though it sounds like there are more words piled up inside him.

I sit up and feel a sharp pain in my hips. I had done the best to prepare myself without proper lube and through the franticness of the moment. It hurt more than usual, maybe because I did it the night before as well, most likely because it was less wet than needed. I look up at Tsukishima, who turns to look back at me.

"You like me right?"

I stiffen, the truth of the words like an attack, a horrible accusation and a raw feeling scrapping against my bones. I don't deny it, it's truth and I won't lie about this. I quickly look away. Something heavy settles in my heart.

"You were really excited" He's using that tone. A laugh in his voice. He's mocking me. I can feel him tearing away layers of flesh and pokes at my tender insides. "You climaxed quite a lot." He snickers at this.

I can feel stinging at the corners of my eyes. Regret heavy on my shoulders and the uneasiness that was in my heart reveals itself to be all the worry and anxiousness of having my best friend realize my feelings.  _It's unnatural_ a voice whispers.  _It's dirty._ I fear. I fear and my limbs shake and it's hard to breath and the tears and just on the edge before a single tear overflows.

"This won't happen again. It's was just out of curiosity."

My eyes find the back of Tsukishima's head. Shock. Hurt. Loneliness and pain and hurt and I feel used and betrayed, and not just by body but my soul and my entire being. The tears no longer have an edge to flow off of, instead they slide along my cheeks, creating itchy lines for other tears to follow.

I grasp at my discarded cloths spewed across the floor, tears burning my eyes and blurring my vision as I try to dress. I feel shame all through my body that for a moment I thought this could work out. 

_It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts so much._  

I raise on shaky knees, not ready to take on my weight and my hips and ass pulses pain all the way down to them and up my spine. I don't say anything as I leave, my fingers scratching at the door as I try to twist the nob with little strength left in me. 

_It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts._

I don't greet my friend's mother down the road as she talks across a fence to a lady. The lady looks to be trying every trick to keep her there and I'm grateful or there could have been bigger problems than sleeping with my best friend, having him bring my feelings to audible words, and crying all the way home.

_It hurts._

When I get home my mother greets me, then hugs me tightly to her after noticing my tears. She doesn't ask, and I'm grateful for that. She tells me to go take a shower and rest for a bit ("I'll bring you a feel good snack to your room, for when you feel up to it."), I'm also grateful for this. And under the covers I cry, I cry and I cry and I cry till I'm hoarse and can't sob anymore and have no energy to commit myself to it.


End file.
